I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
