She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
