I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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