Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
