There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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