i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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