it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
