If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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