Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
