every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
