i need an iv and a liver transplant
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just want nice things and good sex
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
