I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
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On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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