i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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