i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
