I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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