dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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