Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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