it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
what day is it and did you see me today?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
