Moan for me like Helen Keller
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
