I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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