I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
