Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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