where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
