you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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