I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
