I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
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Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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