i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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