So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
