hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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