can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
