i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
