I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
