At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
