Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
