Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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