Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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