I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
