I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
well most of my day revolves around power hour
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
