I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
