First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
