he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
