i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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