to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
