I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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