he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
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Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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