i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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