Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
