Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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