I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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