I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
