You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
