Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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