my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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