so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
