i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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