Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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