Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
