For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
