It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
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He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
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