Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(204): View more from Manitoba

My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash

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(985): View more from Louisiana

Four minutes until I can fart!

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(716): View more from New York

Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."

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(818): View more from California

I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.

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(410): View more from Maryland

We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway

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(770): View more from Georgia

I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.

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(917): View more from New York City

sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.

(917): View more from New York City

that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.

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(+61): View more from Australia

It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now

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(254): View more from Texas

How’d it go?

(915): View more from Texas

I accidentally joined a cult

(254): View more from Texas

So not great...

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