I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
