I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
