She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
