This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
