He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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