please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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