her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
