Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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