You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
