you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
