You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
