just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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