Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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