Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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