You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
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